Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
Randomize
