Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
