the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
