I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
The uberlube is also flammable
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
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