i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
