High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
