So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
