just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
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