I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Randomize
