sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize
