My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Randomize
