I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
