weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Randomize
