I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
