Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
Randomize
