we have officially lost it.
Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Randomize
