1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Randomize
