Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
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