oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
Randomize
