the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
