Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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