The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
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