Sry I called you an 8
I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Randomize
