do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
I'm sobbing to NWA
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
