Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
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