I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
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