I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Randomize
