My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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