pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
I think I won the penis lottery.
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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