I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Randomize
