I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
