I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
Randomize
