I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
Randomize
