Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Randomize
