the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
