woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
Found your dick twin last night
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
