guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
Randomize
