We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
I'd cum for enchiladas.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
Randomize
