I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
Randomize
