i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
