I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Randomize
