i'm signing you up for texting rehab
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
3pm strippers are depressing
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Randomize
