if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
