Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
I smell like Dick and happiness
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
