Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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