weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
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