Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Randomize
