i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
