i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
