Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Randomize
