My room smells like vodka and shame
Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Never underestimate the power of titties
Randomize
