His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
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